Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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