I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
