craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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