My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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