i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize