I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Randomize
