Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
