I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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