Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
