Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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