theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
