I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
