and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
