So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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