6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
