told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
