Dual....:-)
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
