After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
