when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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