just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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