He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize