so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
