he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
pop tarts are not kleenex
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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