at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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