I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
