I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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