The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
