youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
