Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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