i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
