Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
