Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
