Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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