i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
