at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
