Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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