yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
