whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
