We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
