please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize