i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
