So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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