I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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