Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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