who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
