so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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