Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
