so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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