never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
