This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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