An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
