I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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