before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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