she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
