I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize