you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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