I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
