we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize