Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
