We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
