you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
