Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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