he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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