You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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