He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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